Car Talk

This conversation happened on the 5-minute drive home from lunch yesterday. I swear the twins didn't even pause for breath in between sentences. I wasn't paying attention and ran over a curb, which set this whole thing off.

Thing 2: Mommy what was that big bump?
Me: I hit the sidewalk, buddy.
Thing 1: Why?
Me: Because I wasn't paying attention & was being a bad driver.
Thing 2: Why didn't somebody beep his horn at you?
Me: Because I wasn't being dangerous.
Thing 1: You're supposed to beep your horn at bad drivers.
Me: Just when they are in your way or are being dangerous.
Thing 2: Mommy that light is red, you have to stop.
Me: Okay (said light was on the next block).
Thing 1: Mommy! You have to stop at a red light!
Shorty: Look. Light.
Thing 2: Mommy, are you being a bad driver again?
Me: If it's still red when I get there, I'll stop.
Thing 1: Mommy, look. A big crane.
Thing 2: Will it lift that big box?
Thing1: Why is it not moving?
Thing 2: Is this a job site?
Thing 1: Boss says, "Lift that stone!" (quoting a library book we have at home now)
Thing 2: I don't see any stones.
Thing 1: Mommy, what's a stone?
Shorty: Look. Stone.
Me: A stone is like a big rock.
Thing 2: I don't see any rocks.
Thing 1: Boss says, "Scoop that rock!" (more quotes)
Shorty: Mommy! Mommy!
Me: Yes?
Shorty: Look. Rock.
Thing 2: Mommy, what are those?
Me: Those are pipes.
Thing 1: Mommy, what's a pipe?
Me: It makes a tunnel underground for water or things to go through.
Thing 2: We could play in pipes.
Me: You shouldn't. If the water came, you could get hurt.
Thing 1: What?
Thing 2: Would we melt?
Me: What?
Thing 1: The wicked witch melts with water.
Thing 2: Would we melt?
Me: No. You wouldn't melt, but you could get hurt.
Thing 1: Witches melt.
Thing 2: Who threw water on the witch?
Me: Dorothy.
Thing 1: Why?
Me: Because her friend the scarecrow was on fire and water puts fire out. But she hit the witch with water.
Thing 2: Is there fire in pipes?
Me: No.
Thing 1: The witch has mean monkeys.
Thing 2: Are there monkeys in pipes?
Thing 1: The monkeys take apart the scarecrow and make him in pieces.
Thing 2: Do the monkeys take apart Dorothy?
Me: No.
Thing 1: Can the monkeys in the pipes take apart us?
Me: No.
Thing 2: The other wicked witch turns into a dragon.
Me: In Sleeping Beauty. Yes.
Thing 1: I don't like that witch.
Me: That's why we have never watched that movie.
Thing 2:I don't like that dragon.
Me: That's why we have never watched that movie.
Thing 1: Somebody needs to throw water on that witch.
Thing 2: Do somebody throw water on that witch?
Me: No.
Thing 1: Somebody needs to melt her.
Thing 2: What do dragons say?
Me: *growl* and they breathe fire.
Thing 1: They breathe fire?
Thing 2: Like Uncle Rick.
Me: What?
Thing 1: Like Uncle Rick.
Me: Uncle Rick doesn't breathe fire.
Thing 2: Uncle Rick does this *growl*
Shorty: Uncle Rick.
Thing 1: I don't like witches.
Thing 2: I don't like dragons.
Me: But you do like uncle Rick.
Shorty: Mommy, look. Car.

My head hurts.