Inadequate.

You've seen the pictures in the homeschooling journals and blogs.

You know the ones I'm talking about.

The ones with the beautiful homeschool classrooms. The ones with the kids feeding the family chickens, digging in the garden. The ones with boys and girls all dressed in adorable anoraks and wellies tromping through the forest of their backyard or neighborhood woods.

Maybe you, like me, look at those pictures and feel...inadequate.

Maybe you live in an apartment with beige walls and carpet. Maybe you can't paint one entire wall with chalkboard paint. You can't wallpaper with maps. Perhaps you don't have room for a dedicated homeschool space and your school spills out into the dining room, the living room, the bedrooms.

Perhaps you don't have a huge and lovely farmhouse table at which to do all your work. Or perfectly coordinated individual desks for each one of your students, all lined up and tidy with just the right amount of papers and pencils to be picturesque and organized.

It's possible that your kitchen is hardly an example of those warm and inviting spaces for entertaining you see every time you turn on HGTV. It could be small and cramped with room for one, possibly two, but is hardly set up to serve as an extension of your classroom. Your counter space might make it difficult to spread out in a way that includes your kids, despite the fact that you long to invite them in and learn to cook some of their favorites and yours.

Maybe you don't have a garden. Or chickens. Or even a dog or a cat. Maybe because you don't want them. Maybe because you can't have them for one reason or another...no matter how much you'd like to give that experience to your kids. Maybe you can't even make a container garden on your patio because it's surrounded by brick and faces south so everything you put out there dies.

Perhaps you don't live near a park. Or a pond. Or trees. Or green space. Or the beach. Or a stream. Maybe as much as you'd love to let your kids learn to be wild and free in nature, there's just not much space to explore it where you are.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others. Especially when there are so many pretty, pretty pictures floating around out there on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all the other ways that we are able to share and compare. Judge and be judged. Feel superior. Feel less than.

I'm here to tell you, mama, that you are doing just fine. Whether you've got chickens or not. Whether people are telling you that your family, your home, your homeschool could be in a magazine or not.

I'm here right now to do what I'm best at: keeping. it. real.

We've been on this crazy homeschool ride for 4 years now, in 3 different houses in 2 states. And I think we are doing okay. More than okay. I think my crew is pretty freaking awesome. And they are pretty awesome despite the fact that not a single photojournalist is knocking on my door asking to chronicle the aesthetic beauty that is our homeschool.

But I think there's beauty in it anyway.

On top of the toy chest in the boys' bedroom there is a clutter of art supplies and images because long after I want him to be in bed, Shorty is up writing books and illustrating them with mixed-media collages. The mess of his creation is everywhere because, when there is no room for a proper desk in the bedroom, he improvises. And when he wants the Hot Wheels tracks out of that toy chest, his mess moves to the floor. Naturally.

Nobody's going to put this in a magazine of how to organize your kids' crap, keep a tidy house, or even how to inspire creativity in your little one. Nevertheless, he's inspired. Constantly. And often against my wishes.

Our adorable crib-turned-craft-table is usually so cluttered with projects that we can't actually do the crafts at it. Honestly, it has become a collecting place for projects. Why? Because I don't think there's possibly space enough in the whole world to keep the enormous stack of books written by the boys. Not to mention the games they have created (and prefer to the store-bought variety) and the bird feeders they are enjoying hammering away on, despite the fact that we don't actually have a yard.

I used to insist that this table to clean and available to use, but they can't even keep up with themselves and their imaginations. How can I? Now we just periodically try to sort through what belongs to whom and file away projects that I didn't realize were finished.

Our classroom is cluttered, and our table is a mess of acrylic paint stains. And I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful space for school work. It's not anything you'd ever see and think, "Yes! THAT is exactly what I want my room to look like!" However, it allows me to not be uptight and control how they are permitted to create.

 And that Red the Angry Bird pencil holder (along with his counterpart the Hulk, who is likely buried in a pile somewhere). Not my choice. It's certainly not the adorable mason jar idea that I pinned several years ago when I thought I might try to decorate. But the boys picked it. They painted it. And it makes them happy. And, really, that's more important than pretty things.

We have more books than our shelves can hold. And I love it. There is no room in this little apartment to add more shelves, so we make due with what we have. That includes this hand-me-down shelf that my dad built for my room when I was a girl. It's chipped and scuffed and drawn on. But it holds a ton of books.

So I'm unwilling to "upgrade" or even "upcycle" and try to make it fit in with some fleeting idea of what is fashionable. I'd rather read a book with the boys.

Or play a game:

We have plenty. And we play them all. Even if they aren't stored in cute matching baskets, but are instead stacked (perhaps a bit precariously) on ugly plastic shelves in the closet. Right next to an even more dangerous shelf of arts and crafts supplies.

Our little kitchen is always cluttered. It's half food prep area and half science lab, with a little bit of dumping ground thrown in for good measure.

My coffee may be next to the butterfly habitat, and there may not be much room for helping hands in the kitchen, but we do what we can. And so far, nobody has eaten a chrysalis by mistake.

We have no yard. No garden. There are never any wild critters roaming by our window. The view is pretty dismal, actually. There's no way to play soccer, ride bikes, fly a kite, take a hike, or really much of anything without packing up in the car and making a day of it. So that doesn't happen daily.

But we make it work. We get outside. We are active. We are adventurous. We just have to be deliberate about it.

Sure, sometimes I daydream about having a homeschool space that looks like this:

This:

Or this:

Or easy access to experiences like this:

and this:

But I am coming to learn that it is not the room, the location, the decorations, or even the natural habitat that make this whole homeschooling gig worthwhile. It is giving my children the space to discover who they are and the equipping them to thrive during these precious, fleeting years...even if that space looks like this:

I promise you, they will grow.

Raising Gentlemen and Wild Things

I know exactly where the Wild Things are.

They are tucked into their beds right now pretending to be asleep just long enough for me to not be listening at their door.

Then the Wild Rumpus will begin.

www.jillheupel.com

"Begin" is the wrong word. I should say that the Wild Rumpus will pick up where it left off. Because let's face it, my life is one continual Wild Rumpus with this group of hooligans.

In the midst of our Rumpus-ing, we do try to learn how to be Gentlemen. We teach them to look people in the eye, to say "please" and "thank you," to hold doors open, and to attempt to have some semblance of table manners.

Occasionally it even sticks.

Just the other day, for instance, we were walking back to our apartment from the pool. I was laden with noodles and snorkels, dripping towels and kickboards. One of my little men ran up to me and insisted that he carry both of my bags for me. I thanked him profusely and asked if he was sure that he wanted to get all of it. I could probably manage one myself.

"No, Mama," he replied. "I'd rather my arms and shoulders hurt than yours. I love you so much, and I want to help you. I can do hard things to make your life easier because I love you."

This led to a brief conversation about why we hold doors for women or pull out chairs or let ladies go first. It's not because girls are incapable of doing any of these things. It's not because they are weaker or inferior in any way. We do these things because we see the value in others and we want to show them how precious they are to us.

"Yeah," says one of the other boys, "but I don't want to do any of that. Because won't that just make my woman be lazy?"

Sigh.

At least one of them gets it.

Baby steps to the elevator. Baby steps to the elevator...

Just Not Pinterested

During this, the week after Mother's Day, I'm finally getting around to something I've been sitting on for a while. I can't really think of a better time to say say it than now, though, as we have just finished celebrating what it means to be a mom.

A few weeks back, I needed a solution for some of our clutter. Specifically, I needed to reclaim some space for their clothes. It seems that, as they keep getting bigger, so do their pants and shoes. Go figure. I decided on wall hooks for hoodies and backpacks and lofting Shorty's bed to add drawers or shelf space. I didn't want to spend a fortune doing it, either.

It didn't seem too daunting at first.

One trip to the thrift store.

Two crafty little projects.

And, as it turned out, a whole lot of stewing, frustration, and mom guilt.

You see, we live in the Pinterest generation.

One quick internet search for DIY coat hooks, and you are bombarded with images of beautiful designs carefully painted and distressed to perfectly compliment any decor.

And check out a few of the DIY kid's loft bed suggestions.

It seems we have added a whole new dimension of competition and judgey-ness to motherhood.

As if it weren't bad enough already, comparing children's behavior, activities, and accomplishments with each other, we now have social media dedicated to making us feel like our furniture, parties, decorations just don't stack up to the standard. It is no longer enough to buy a bed frame and a set of Holly Hobbie sheets for your kid's room, and use an old dresser to store their clothes (as was the case with my childhood room). Now you must find a free wooden pallet or two and transform them into a personalized headboard. If you are lucky enough to have that hand-me-down dresser, you've just saved yourself days searching thrift shops for the perfect item. However, you can't just use it as is. You must sand it and paint it. Then distress it, because it can't look new. You need to put new hardware on it, too. Maybe even decoupage something on the drawers to add some interest or texture.

We have bought into this idea that we are somehow less successful as a wife or a mother if our house isn't some wonderland of perfectly coordinated DIY items.

So my little plan to add more space and organization began to feel oppressive to me.

Between cleaning the house, doing laundry for 5, cooking 3 meals a day, homeschooling 3 bright and active boys, and finding time for the hubby, I barely had time to shower. How was I going to find time to create these amazing pieces to add to the boys' room?

Could I skip a shower for a month, cut out some of my play time with the kids and quality couple time to get it done?

NO.

I drew a line in the sand.

Just, no.

I let the boys paint the coat hook any way they wanted while I figured out how to get some storage out of Shorty's bed.

It's so crazy, but it's so them. They owned it, and it makes them happy. Plus they got some great bonding in while they collaborated on the design. You aren't going to find this on any idea boards or in any design magazines, but I don't care. Why does everything have to coordinate, anyway?

And for the loft bed design, I found a bench, an end table, some shelves, and some small craft pallets (from the store, NOT repurposed -- gasp) to help with extra height where needed. I got some spray paint when I was still thinking about making it look Pinterest-worthy, but I haven't used it. 

The boys begged me to leave a "doorway" so they could have a secret hideout under the bed. It's their favorite feature...and I didn't even have to make it look like a real door or clubhouse. There's a hole where you can peek out through one of the pallets, and they call it their "mailbox." They don't want me to change what the internet would consider a design flaw.

I was able to get it all done while they painted the coat hooks. It was so fast...and imperfect...and not coordinated with the rest of their bedroom.

And not once have they asked me to change it so that it is.

Come to think of it, they haven't asked me why their dresser is the same color it was when it was part of my granny's bedroom suite. They haven't asked me to give their room some sort of theme. They don't feel like their lives are lacking anything because I didn't even bother to take the labels off the jelly jars that hold their craft supplies or why their toys and supplies sit on plastic storage shelves instead of cute painted and papered ones. They actually kind of like the fact that their marker bucket is just a free plastic container left over from a few Halloweens ago and there is an old green and pink Easter basket holding the glitter glue.

In fact, they have never once asked me to spend more time sanding and painting, coordinating and decorating their room so that we can post some pictures to Facebook and see how many "likes" we get or how many people compliment us on our decorating skills.

What they HAVE asked me to do is to spend more time with them. To play games. To run races. To cuddle up and read a book. To have a family movie night. To go bowling. To look them in the eye and give them my full attention.

So if you want to spend your time searching for your next project on social media, executing it, and then posting the results to social media...you go right ahead.

As for me, I'm just not interested.

I'm going to go play soccer.

Like a Girl

Today at Shorty's soccer match, the hubs overheard some stellar parent yelling at his 5-year-old little boy that he was "running like a girl."

What was happening at that moment was wrong on so many levels. 

First, rather than offer his child encouragement, this father thought it better to shout what he considered to be insults at his little boy. I'm all for acknowledging our children's shortcomings, but admonishing them to do the best they can and try their hardest is a far cry from belittling them.

Second, if you do see a problem with the way your child is running (or doing anything, really), please offer him constructive advice. To scream at your child  that he is running "like a girl" actually communicates nothing to him about what he is actually doing wrong. That 5 year old had no idea what his father was talking about. Was he going slowly? Was he pigeon toed? Were his arms waving above his head? All he really knew was that his father was disappointed in him. Words were made to communicate. Please choose them carefully so that they can.

Third, although the expression "like a girl" didn't communicate anything to the little boy about his own performance, it spoke volumes about the performance of girls everywhere. It clearly indicated that girls are inferior and that they don't run correctly. It communicated an attitude about the value and place of girls in our society. It trained that boy to view girls as less. 

I wanted to show this father this video and to say to him, "Do you mean running like this? Because that's pretty freaking amazing. I want to run like a girl more often!:

Hearing this ignorant man using his words the way he did made me sigh in relief. I was relieved that I was not trying to raise daughters to believe in their own value and strength in the midst of a world that often does not.

I am disgusted by this man's attitude and what he is raising his young man to believe. I am determined to raise a different caliber of men.

It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas

For the 2nd week of Advent, I had the brilliant (crazy?) idea to plan each day around a Christmas song. We would practice the song, talk about what it meant (if not self explanatory), and do some sort of activity or craft related to it.

December 8: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

Hark! The herald angels sing

Glory to the newborn King

Peace on earth and mercy mild

God and sinners reconciled

Joyful all ye nations rise

Join the triumph of the skies

With angelic host proclaim

Christ is born in Bethlehem

Hark! The herald angels sing

Glory to the newborn King

Christ by highest heaven adored

Christ the everlasting Lord

Late in time behold He'll come

Offspring of a virgin's womb

Veiled in flesh, the Godhead see

Hail the incarnate Deity

Pleased as man with man to dwell

Jesus, our Emmanuel

Hark! The herald angels sing

Glory to the newborn King 

Hail the heaven-born Prince of Peace

Hail the Son of Righteousness

Light and life to all He brings

Risen with healing in His wings

Mild He lays His glory by

Born that man no more may die

Born to raise the sons of earth

Born to give them second birth

Hark! The herald angels sing

Glory to the newborn king

After reading about the angels proclaiming Jesus' birth to the shepherds, we got busy on our craft. We made these singing angels out of small hand bells, wooden balls, and wired ribbon. We added sparkly pipe cleaner halos, googly eyes, and pipe cleaner which served the dual purpose of holding the wings on and being arms. The boys chose for their angels to hold a snowflake, a heart, and a star. Then we added some glitter to the bell because, well, who doesn't need to sparkle?

December 9: White Christmas

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the tree tops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all 
Your Christmases be white

For the activity to go with the song, we focused on the line "with every Christmas card I write." I pulled out my cards, which all needed to be signed and addressed. The boys got busy with some craft paper, glue, ribbon, stamps, ink, and (of course) sequins and began creating their own beautiful cards to send. Our wish for all of you is that your days be merry and bright.

December 10: Holly Jolly Christmas

This day almost got cancelled. I discovered that morning that the boys had been peeking ahead to see what kinds of activities would be coming up in the next days. I got pretty upset with them and even typed up an alternative song/activity:

"I'm Gettin' Nuttin for Christmas"

Because, clearly, the kids ain't been nuttin but bad. As a result, Mommy and Daddy are mad. In both senses of the word, as a matter of fact.

After taking a few moments to settle down, I decided to take this opportunity to show grace to my boys and to have a serious discussion with them about just what that word means. 

Santa Claus keeps lists of "naughty" and "nice" little boys and girls. He brings presents to the "nice" ones as a reward for their good behavior all year long. He brings lumps of coal to castigate those who have been "naughty." 

Unlike Santa, God encourages each of us to realize that we are, indeed, "naughty." We all do bad things. We all have bad thoughts and attitudes. Every. Single. One of us should be written on that "naughty" list and receive nothing but a lump of coal. But that's not how God operates. God loves us so much that, even though we are naughty, he gave us the BEST gift. He gave us Jesus. Jesus who lived a perfect life and then died to cover our "naughtiness" (a.k.a. sin) with his "niceness" (a.k.a. righteousness).

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

Because of God's gift and sacrifice, we are able to have  Holly, Jolly, Christmas.

Have a holly, jolly Christmas;

It's the best time of the year

I don't know if there'll be snow

but have a cup of cheer

Have a holly, jolly Christmas;

And when you walk down the street

Say Hello to friends you know

and everyone you meet

Oh ho

the mistletoe

hung where you can see;

Somebody waits for you;

Kiss her once for me

Have a holly jolly Christmas

and in case you didn't hear

Oh by golly

have a holly

jolly Christmas this year

We had a nice day, with lots of kisses under the mistletoe and our very own "cup of cheer," which was hot cocoa with whipped cream, sprinkles, and candy canes all served up in our favorite holiday mugs. Yum.

December 11: We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are

Bearing gifts we travel afar

Field and fountain, moor and mountain 

Following yonder star

O star of wonder, star of night

Star with royal beauty bright

Westward leading, still proceeding 

Guide us to thy perfect light

Born a king on Bethlehem's plain

Gold I bring to crown him again

King forever, ceasing never

Over us all to reign

Frankincense to offer have I

Incense owns a deity nigh

Prayer and praising all men raising

Worship Him, God on high

Myrrh is mine: its bitter perfume

Breathes a life of gathering gloom,

Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying

Sealed in a stone-cold tomb

Glorious now, behold Him arise,

King, and God, and Sacrifice

Alleluia! Alleluia!

Sounds through the earth and skies

O star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to thy perfect light

We read the story of the three wise men from the Jesus Storybook Bible (if you don't have this book, you need it...seriously, go buy it...now). Then we read all the lyrics to the song and we talked about what in the world those gifts were that the wise men brought. Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh revealed that Jesus was the King of Kings, He was God with us, and he would die as a Sacrifice for our sins. I love the doctrine in this song.

Then we went out and bought our own "star of wonder" for the top of the boys' tree. They had had a sparkly pokey ball on the top for years. It was unbreakable, and that's why I liked it. They, however, were wanting a "real" tree topper. They picked out a beauty. They like shiny things.

December 12: Joy to the World

Joy to the world

The Lord is come

Let earth receive her king

Let every heart prepare Him room

And heaven and nature sing

And heaven and nature sing

And heaven, and heaven and nature sing

Joy to the world

The Savior reigns

Let men their songs employ

While fields and floods, rocks, hills and streams

Repeat the sounding joy

Repeat the sounding joy

Repeat, repeat the sounding joy

No more let sin

And sorrow grow

Nor thorns infect the ground

He comes to make His blessings flow

Far as the curse is found

Far as the curse is found

Far as, far as the curse is found

He rules the world

With truth and grace

And makes the nations prove

The glories of His righteousness

And wonders of His love

And wonders of His love

And wonders, wonders of His love

We talked about what it meant for "every heart" to "prepare Him room." The boys were very thoughtful about this, discussing what kinds of things take up room in our hearts. They noticed that, especially at this time of year, commercials and stores want you to fill up your hearts with all kinds of stuff you don't really need. We took a good look at all of our stuff that is filling up our house and our hearts and decided to prepare a little bit of room for Jesus by finding some things that are still in good or great shape and donating them.

By preparing room in our hearts, we managed to fill up the laundry room! Proud of my little men and their generosity.

December 13: Here Comes Santa Claus

Here comes Santa Claus

Here comes Santa Claus

Right down Santa Claus Lane

Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer

Pullin' on the reins

Bells are ringin', children singin'

All is merry and bright

So hang your stockings and say your prayers

'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight

Here comes Santa Claus,

Here comes Santa Claus,

Right down Santa Claus Lane

He's got a bag that's filled with toys

For boys and girls again

Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle,

Oh, what a beautiful sight

So jump in bed cover your head

'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight

Here comes Santa Claus,

Here comes Santa Claus,

Right down Santa Claus Lane,

He'll come around when chimes ring out

It's Christmas time again

Peace on earth will come to all

If we just follow the light

So let's give thanks to the Lord above

'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight

Here comes Santa Claus,

Here comes Santa Claus,

Right down Santa Claus Lane,

Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer

Pullin' on the reins

Bells are ringin', children singin'

All is merry and bright

So jump in bed and cover your head

'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight

Peace on earth will come to all

If we just follow the light

So let's give thanks to the Lord above

'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight

So let's give thanks to the Lord above

'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight

The slip of paper behind the door in the advent calendar read, "Here Comes Santa Claus...to the Aviation Museum!" There was a really cute model train display, a beautiful tree, and a very funny Santa all set up in the historic atrium. Santa bribed the boys with treats like you would puppies. He played a little game of chase with them and then sneaked up behind them while they were looking at the trains...all so I could get a picture.

We also wandered around looking at all the planes and motors and other artifacts around the museum. The afternoon was complete after a good amount of time was spent in the education wing making crafts and playing with the flight simulators, which was by far the kids' favorite part.

December 14: Silent Night

Silent night, Holy night

All is calm, all is bright

Round yon virgin mother and child

Holy infant so tender and mild

Sleep in heavenly peace

Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, Holy night

Son of God, love's pure light

Radiant beams from thy holy face

With the dawn of redeeming grace

Jesus, Lord at thy birth

Jesus, Lord at thy birth

Silent night, Holy night

Shepherd's quake at the sight

Glories stream from heaven above

Heavenly hosts sing Hallelujah

Christ the Savior is born

Christ the Savior is born

After singing the song, I started up a conversation about the shepherds from the last stanza. Not only were shepherds on the bottom rung of the social ladder of Jesus' day, it was often the youngest children from a family who would often stay in the fields overnight tending the flocks. These were not the great men to whom we would choose to share our good news. God does not choose like we choose. He values every person without regard to age or social standing. We talked about who the "least" in our society are and how we can care for them, being the hands and feet of God in the world today.

This day was a bit of a hodgepodge, as we also indulged in eating some shepherd hooks (candy canes), and we made a countdown to Christmas craft. The boys are pretty excited that there are only 10 days until Christmas!

Can you believe it?

Are you ready?

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Do you hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling, too?

The Advent season has hit us full force and we are busy having fun, preparing our hearts for Jesus' birth, and generally getting our Christmas on. In case you are curious, here's the low-down on what we've been doing each day so far.

December 1: Decorate Grandad's House

Christmas was something my mom did with gusto. She loved it so much that she left several of her Santas out year round. I even teased her that she picked out her living room furniture just to match her Christmas decorations. This is only our second Christmas without her. I wanted to make decorating the house something fun for my dad rather than sad. Since we were in town for Thanksgiving, the kids and I decided that we needed a little Christmas right that very minute. So we took it upon ourselves to haul out the holly and hang some tinsel from that evergreen bough.

 

When my little guys decorate you get garland and ribbons EVERYWHERE. What can I say, they like their holiday bling.You might also find some elves and Santa participating in some sort of extreme sports...either that or attacking one another. I'm not quite sure.

***disclaimer*** This actually took place on November 30th. We were driving across the Midwest on the 1st, and that just isn't a very exciting Advent activity.

December 2: Decorate Our House

By the time we returned home, it was time to deck our own halls with boughs of holly.

The boys have their own little tree with a train running around it. Trimming the tree is always a special time, as we have new ornaments from every year of their lives and we reminisce as we unwrap and hang them. They love talking about what they remember from each year and think the idea of having been babies is hilarious.

December 3: Be Santa for a Senior

We "adopted" a resident at a local senior center this Christmas. We chose Wilma's tag off a tree and went shopping for her, on a quest to find everything on her wish list. We found her some nice body wash and a pretty silk flower arrangement. Rather than just buy her a soft blanket, we decided to make a no-sew fleece blanket. The boys chose a pink and black floral print for the top layer and a coordinating pink for the underside. I hope she is a girly girl, because my guys think every female loves pink!

After I prepared the fabric, each little man picked a side and began tying knots. As we went along, we took the time to pray for Wilma. This was a true labor of love for a woman we will never meet. I hope the boys are learning the blessing of giving.

December 4: Pajama Party Movie Marathon

Sometimes you've just got to get cozy with your favorite jammies, soft blankets and pillows, load up a paper plate with delicious treats, sit under the lights of the Christmas tree, and watch feel-good movies with your family.

If you squint, you can see a veggie tray back there. Despite my best efforts, most of the healthy stuff was left over.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and A Charlie Brown Christmas were the boys' selections. I have to say, I approve. You can't argue with movies that remind us that:

• Maybe Christmas...doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more.
• Maybe mistfits have a place, too.
• For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord...Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men...That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

December 5: Christmas Lights at the Gardens

It was a perfect mild evening for wandering around the holiday lights display at Botanica.

My favorite things were the lights that were choreographed to music and getting the chance to hear a choir perform a few of my favorite carols. We walked down the path that led to Santa's cottage, but not one of the boys wanted to sit on the lap of a stranger and smile for a picture.

December 6: St. Nicholas Day

The boys don't believe in Santa Claus as a fat man who lives at the North Pole and flies a sleigh delivering presents all over the world on Christmas Eve. They think it's a funny game that some people play, but they are slightly irritated by the fact that penguins are often depicted as hanging with Santa. Puffins, they say, would be more realistic.

We do teach them about St. Nicholas and the origins of gift giving. We like to watch the Veggie Tales St. Nicholas movie each year and be reminded that we love because God first loved us, and we give because He gave.

This year we made these funny little Santas as the first real craft of our craft-filled holiday season.

We also packed a shoebox online for Operation Christmas Child. Each of the boys contributed some money and chose what we should pack. Then W decided he wanted to spend all the rest of the money he had to pack two more boxes. 

I'll balance that mommy brag with the fact that he wants to further display his spirit of generosity by making signs to hold up at Christmas. The signs will read "keep" or "give" so that gifts he doesn't really want can be immediately donated to children in need. I had to talk to him about how his "generosity" might be interpreted as "ingratitude."

December 7: Make Ornaments to Gift to Family

We love giving gifts. We love making gifts. We love Christmas decorations. Combine all those things into one, and you get homemade ornaments to give to people we love. Each year we try to come up with something unique and fun. I try to make sure they are at least somewhat attractive, too.

I spy a candy cane, a Christmas light, and a star. If you are in our family, you might spy a package in your mailbox very soon.

Difficult

I have 3 messy, active, amazing boys. They are each wonderful and unique and I adore the differences between the three of them. They keep me guessing and keep me on my toes. It is a privilege to parent them, and they make me into a better person just for knowing them.

Lately certain people in his life have been using the words active, stubborn, difficult, strong willed, immature, and challenging (among others) to describe the youngest.

While most these words do ring true in his personality, I have to say that I don't think they have been used lovingly. In fact, they have been used to indicate that there may be something about his nature (or perhaps my parenting) that needs to change.

I'd like to take a moment and say a few words in defense of the "difficult" child, mine and the others I know are out there. I believe there are so many things to love about a strong-willed child. Things that we need to celebrate. Things that do not necessarily need to be broken.

My strong-willed child feels life with intensity. He delights in the smallest of pleasures, his smile and his laugh are contagious. He helps me to see the joy in life, too. I love sharing his happiness with him.

However, he also feels his negative emotions with equal intensity. This means that he cries. A lot. He screams. He pouts. A lot. He has the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. And he takes the whole room with him wherever he goes.

 My "challenging" little boy has a strong sense of his identity and what he wants out of life. He doesn't like to conform to anyone else's ideas of what he should be doing. This is a fantastic characteristic that will serve him so well when he is faced with peer pressure as a teenager. I am so excited for what the future holds for this little man.

However, his strong opinions make it hard for him to transition when he needs to transition. They make it hard for him to sit still when he doesn't want to. They make it hard for him to obey. And remember how strongly he feels? Yeah, when he is disappointed that he has to conform, he feels it with intensity.

When he sets his mind to something, he will get it done no matter the consequences. He is resolute in his decisions. Again, I do not believe this is a bad personality trait. It does get a bit complicated, however, when what he has decided on is precisely the opposite of what an authority figure would like to see. And those emotions? He feels them.

My "difficult" kid is wiggly and creative. He prefers to see the world upside down, literally and figuratively, spending most of his time either standing on his head or creating works of art.

Those things which make him a challenge for people to deal with are the same characteristics that could very well shape culture as he grows up.

Let's stop condemning these children and labeling them "challenging" or "difficult." Instead, let's choose to look at their spirit, tenacity, creativity, determination, individuality, and spunk as positive character traits.

All children need to feel loved. They all want to be accepted for who they are. Even the difficult ones.