Inadequate.

You've seen the pictures in the homeschooling journals and blogs.

You know the ones I'm talking about.

The ones with the beautiful homeschool classrooms. The ones with the kids feeding the family chickens, digging in the garden. The ones with boys and girls all dressed in adorable anoraks and wellies tromping through the forest of their backyard or neighborhood woods.

Maybe you, like me, look at those pictures and feel...inadequate.

Maybe you live in an apartment with beige walls and carpet. Maybe you can't paint one entire wall with chalkboard paint. You can't wallpaper with maps. Perhaps you don't have room for a dedicated homeschool space and your school spills out into the dining room, the living room, the bedrooms.

Perhaps you don't have a huge and lovely farmhouse table at which to do all your work. Or perfectly coordinated individual desks for each one of your students, all lined up and tidy with just the right amount of papers and pencils to be picturesque and organized.

It's possible that your kitchen is hardly an example of those warm and inviting spaces for entertaining you see every time you turn on HGTV. It could be small and cramped with room for one, possibly two, but is hardly set up to serve as an extension of your classroom. Your counter space might make it difficult to spread out in a way that includes your kids, despite the fact that you long to invite them in and learn to cook some of their favorites and yours.

Maybe you don't have a garden. Or chickens. Or even a dog or a cat. Maybe because you don't want them. Maybe because you can't have them for one reason or another...no matter how much you'd like to give that experience to your kids. Maybe you can't even make a container garden on your patio because it's surrounded by brick and faces south so everything you put out there dies.

Perhaps you don't live near a park. Or a pond. Or trees. Or green space. Or the beach. Or a stream. Maybe as much as you'd love to let your kids learn to be wild and free in nature, there's just not much space to explore it where you are.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others. Especially when there are so many pretty, pretty pictures floating around out there on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and all the other ways that we are able to share and compare. Judge and be judged. Feel superior. Feel less than.

I'm here to tell you, mama, that you are doing just fine. Whether you've got chickens or not. Whether people are telling you that your family, your home, your homeschool could be in a magazine or not.

I'm here right now to do what I'm best at: keeping. it. real.

We've been on this crazy homeschool ride for 4 years now, in 3 different houses in 2 states. And I think we are doing okay. More than okay. I think my crew is pretty freaking awesome. And they are pretty awesome despite the fact that not a single photojournalist is knocking on my door asking to chronicle the aesthetic beauty that is our homeschool.

But I think there's beauty in it anyway.

On top of the toy chest in the boys' bedroom there is a clutter of art supplies and images because long after I want him to be in bed, Shorty is up writing books and illustrating them with mixed-media collages. The mess of his creation is everywhere because, when there is no room for a proper desk in the bedroom, he improvises. And when he wants the Hot Wheels tracks out of that toy chest, his mess moves to the floor. Naturally.

Nobody's going to put this in a magazine of how to organize your kids' crap, keep a tidy house, or even how to inspire creativity in your little one. Nevertheless, he's inspired. Constantly. And often against my wishes.

Our adorable crib-turned-craft-table is usually so cluttered with projects that we can't actually do the crafts at it. Honestly, it has become a collecting place for projects. Why? Because I don't think there's possibly space enough in the whole world to keep the enormous stack of books written by the boys. Not to mention the games they have created (and prefer to the store-bought variety) and the bird feeders they are enjoying hammering away on, despite the fact that we don't actually have a yard.

I used to insist that this table to clean and available to use, but they can't even keep up with themselves and their imaginations. How can I? Now we just periodically try to sort through what belongs to whom and file away projects that I didn't realize were finished.

Our classroom is cluttered, and our table is a mess of acrylic paint stains. And I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful space for school work. It's not anything you'd ever see and think, "Yes! THAT is exactly what I want my room to look like!" However, it allows me to not be uptight and control how they are permitted to create.

 And that Red the Angry Bird pencil holder (along with his counterpart the Hulk, who is likely buried in a pile somewhere). Not my choice. It's certainly not the adorable mason jar idea that I pinned several years ago when I thought I might try to decorate. But the boys picked it. They painted it. And it makes them happy. And, really, that's more important than pretty things.

We have more books than our shelves can hold. And I love it. There is no room in this little apartment to add more shelves, so we make due with what we have. That includes this hand-me-down shelf that my dad built for my room when I was a girl. It's chipped and scuffed and drawn on. But it holds a ton of books.

So I'm unwilling to "upgrade" or even "upcycle" and try to make it fit in with some fleeting idea of what is fashionable. I'd rather read a book with the boys.

Or play a game:

We have plenty. And we play them all. Even if they aren't stored in cute matching baskets, but are instead stacked (perhaps a bit precariously) on ugly plastic shelves in the closet. Right next to an even more dangerous shelf of arts and crafts supplies.

Our little kitchen is always cluttered. It's half food prep area and half science lab, with a little bit of dumping ground thrown in for good measure.

My coffee may be next to the butterfly habitat, and there may not be much room for helping hands in the kitchen, but we do what we can. And so far, nobody has eaten a chrysalis by mistake.

We have no yard. No garden. There are never any wild critters roaming by our window. The view is pretty dismal, actually. There's no way to play soccer, ride bikes, fly a kite, take a hike, or really much of anything without packing up in the car and making a day of it. So that doesn't happen daily.

But we make it work. We get outside. We are active. We are adventurous. We just have to be deliberate about it.

Sure, sometimes I daydream about having a homeschool space that looks like this:

This:

Or this:

Or easy access to experiences like this:

and this:

But I am coming to learn that it is not the room, the location, the decorations, or even the natural habitat that make this whole homeschooling gig worthwhile. It is giving my children the space to discover who they are and the equipping them to thrive during these precious, fleeting years...even if that space looks like this:

I promise you, they will grow.

Loving My Thing 1

How can "pig headed" be a good character trait, Mommy?

You asked me that question a while back after a discussion about how God can use all the the aspects of our personalities to glorify him, how even the parts of ourselves that seem bad can have a positive flip side. I'm afraid that lately you've been hearing words like "stubborn," "bossy," "mouthy," and "argumentative" roll off my tongue a little too often.

I want to assure you, son, that every character trait has both a positive and a negative. I pray that I can help you find those positives for the labels that we have put on you. I am sorry for the times you hear yourself described in words that paint you in a bad way.

You are resolute, steadfast, and loyal. You are determined. You set your mind to something and are confident in your decision and not easily swayed. I know that one day these characteristics will be useful for you as you stand up against injustice in the world or have to defend your decisions and beliefs against those who disagree. I will look back on all those times you refused to back down on your opinion, and I will smile, knowing that God was preparing you.

You have leadership potential and goals. You are the first born in our family, if only by 5 minutes. You are the biggest and the tallest, if only by 3 pounds and 1 inch. You recognize a certain responsibility that goes along with that role, and you are eager to take up the mantle. You make me so proud when I hear you talk about your dream of running your own zoo one day, and that you know you may well have to start out shoveling elephant poop to get there. You are willing to start at the bottom in order to reach your dream. Never give up.

You are the perfect balance of fun-loving and cautious. You know what you like and will not be persuaded by peer pressure to do something you are uncomfortable with. I hope and pray that you continue to develop in this way. That you can still enjoy yourself and have fun, but are confident enough that you hold to the boundaries you have drawn for yourself. No matter how much pressure you may have received, you stuck to your guns that you were not ready to ride the Iron Dragon this year. I applaud you, N. That takes strength.

www.jillheupel.com

You love cuddling. And coziness. And all things soft and warm. I am sorry for the times I have hurt your feelings by wanting a little space and not being in the mood for snuggles. One day you may stop asking, and I will miss those moments tremendously. This is a soft side of you that I love and want to nurture more.

Your most prized possession is your Yellow, whom you have slept with since your infancy. When I asked you why he is so special to you, your response was that he is old and it's important to take care of old things. That took my breath away, boy. May you always cherish the old things. Learn from the histories of people. Find the beauty and value in the ancient.

 You surprised me this summer by wanting to learn to fish. You like the quiet of it. The sport of catching. The observation of the creatures. And you were content to sit there and hold that pole until we could figure out a way to release that darn fish without killing it. You held your breath while we removed the hooks to make sure that each little bluegill was not going to suffocate. It was neat to watch you experience this new thing, and I look forward to standing by your side as you grow and learn how to be a man.

Your heart for the animal kingdom is so big. You love the cuddly and the ferocious, the playful and the lazy, and you see the beauty in creatures that most of us find scary or gross. You find something wonderful in each of them. And it brings me such joy to hear you talk about them. You teach me new things every day. I wish that we all could see the beauty in bats and scorpions the way you do.

You are a fun-loving Wild Thing. You add silly to my life. Your smile and your laugh are some of the best things. Thank you for being uniquely you. I love you, you stubborn, cuddly, animal-loving, crazy boy.

www.jilllheupel.com

When it's hard...

Friends, you know I like to keep it real. And I'm going to be honest with you here. I'm sure this is going to come as a real shock to you all. 

Being a mom is hard.

I mean it. It's really hard.

The day in, day out of the job of raising small humans. The never-ending piles of dishes and laundry. The non-stopness of it all. 

And that's not even the crisis times. That's the normal. Some days, it's enough to drive a person to the edge.

And there really is no way out. As a mom, you have to put on your big girl pants and deal with it. Because, well, after all, you are responsible. It's kind of your job. Some people have to stock shelves or work in an office. You, mom, you have to clean the pee off the floor, explain to the short ones for the bazillionth time why it is NOT okay to eat boogers, and manage to convince them all to eat enough real food to actually nourish their growing bodies.

There are certainly perks to the job. Kisses and hugs and macaroni art are great fringe benefits. Bedtime stories and snuggles and belly laughs are pretty good, too.

But, if I'm honest, there are times when I'm just not feeling it. 

It's not that I don't love my boys. I do. Absolutely. I'd jump in front of a train for them...me and Bruno Mars.

But...there are times when I don't really like my boys. Times that I feel disconnected from one or all of them. Days, weeks, when I just don't understand them. When I don't really want to sit down and hang out with them any more than I absolutely have to. When I feel frustrated and irritated by them more than I enjoy them.

Those times, when I just don't...those times are hard. Harder than the normal hard. Dark.

Maybe I'm on my own here. Perhaps I'm really the only one who ever goes through this kind of phase. I'm going to go out on a limb here, though, and guess that I'm not. I'm going to guess that we all have times when we are struggling to connect with, to enjoy, one or all of our children.

I think this is one of those things that, as moms, we just aren't really allowed to talk about. I think we feel shame. We feel guilt. We feel inadequate. We feel...alone.

As moms, we are supposed to think our kids are amazing! All the time! We can't wait to spend more time with them! They are our best buds in the WHOLE! WIDE! WORLD! And if we don't have that kind of relationship with them, well, what kind of mother are we? If your experience is anything like mine, you're reminded of this at least once a week when some (probably well-meaning) woman approaches you and reminds you that "they grow up too fast," that "one day you'll miss this," or that "the days are long but the years are short." Thank you, lady, for that mountain of manure guilt you just piled on top of my already difficult day. Thank you, ma'am, for making me feel like an even worse mother because I was currently not savoring every moment as my child disobeyed me for the umpteenth time today.

I'm here to say that we are fine. We are normal. I am fine. I am normal.

But I also need to be proactive.

I need to work on my attitude in these darker moments of parenting.

It's so easy for me, when I am frustrated with a person, to focus my attention on all the negative parts of his* personality. Every little thing becomes an annoyance. Even things that would otherwise be endearing grate on my nerves. I could so easily compose a funny little blog post about each kid (or the hubs) and his idiosyncrasies, playing it off as "cute" or "funny." Saying how much I "love" the little bugger. All the while, though, my heart would be ugly. I would be focusing on the negativity, the irritation. Not on the lovely. Not where my attention should be focused.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things." Philippians 4:8

So, here I am in the midst of one of those ugly times, finding it so hard to enjoy my boys. Struggling to savor the moments. And I'm challenged to change my heart attitude. I am not going to passively wait for it to pass, as I know it will.

I am challenging myself to celebrate my boys. Each one of them.

So over the next few days or weeks or months (let's be realistic here), I am going to write a post about each of the Wild Things. With nothing but the lovely, the noble, excellent, and praiseworthy about him. Because everyone deserves to be celebrated now and again. 

It's important to put it specifically into words. And it's important for them to know that they are being praised publicly. Because, let's face it, there are plenty of times they are shamed in the middle of the grocery store for the whole world to hear.

So you'll have to bear with me as I brag on my children for the next few posts.

My hope is that I can encourage you if you have struggled with this at times, too. You are not alone. It doesn't make you a bad mom. 

And, even in the midst of the darkness, you can find lovely things to actively celebrate in each of your children. 

Maybe you'll even join me in writing some public celebrations of who your kiddos are.

Mine are pretty cute.

*Grammar Nerd Alert! I am using the word "his" very purposefully here and for multiple reasons. One, I have no problem with the masculine singular being used in a gender-neutral sense, despite the fact that it is going out of fashion. I'm just old school, I guess, and lots of other languages have the same thing going on. Two, most of the folks I focus my negative energy on just happen to be boys: 1 grown up one and 3 small fries. Outside of that small circle, I'm not so mean.

Raising Gentlemen and Wild Things

I know exactly where the Wild Things are.

They are tucked into their beds right now pretending to be asleep just long enough for me to not be listening at their door.

Then the Wild Rumpus will begin.

www.jillheupel.com

"Begin" is the wrong word. I should say that the Wild Rumpus will pick up where it left off. Because let's face it, my life is one continual Wild Rumpus with this group of hooligans.

In the midst of our Rumpus-ing, we do try to learn how to be Gentlemen. We teach them to look people in the eye, to say "please" and "thank you," to hold doors open, and to attempt to have some semblance of table manners.

Occasionally it even sticks.

Just the other day, for instance, we were walking back to our apartment from the pool. I was laden with noodles and snorkels, dripping towels and kickboards. One of my little men ran up to me and insisted that he carry both of my bags for me. I thanked him profusely and asked if he was sure that he wanted to get all of it. I could probably manage one myself.

"No, Mama," he replied. "I'd rather my arms and shoulders hurt than yours. I love you so much, and I want to help you. I can do hard things to make your life easier because I love you."

This led to a brief conversation about why we hold doors for women or pull out chairs or let ladies go first. It's not because girls are incapable of doing any of these things. It's not because they are weaker or inferior in any way. We do these things because we see the value in others and we want to show them how precious they are to us.

"Yeah," says one of the other boys, "but I don't want to do any of that. Because won't that just make my woman be lazy?"

Sigh.

At least one of them gets it.

Baby steps to the elevator. Baby steps to the elevator...

Meg's Homeschool Day in the Life with a 6 year old and 8-year-old twins

Today I've linked up to the folks over at Simple Homeschool for their "Day in the Life" series of posts.

So, here's my "Day in the Life" with my 3 Wild Things, my 8-year-old twins, and their 6-year-old brother.

I like to try to keep things flowing and flexible. My active and silly boys keep me on my toes, and I want to allow them to explore what they love and to foster in them a love of learning.

 If something isn't working for us, we will change it. I'm not married to my routine. And we are movers and shakers who don't like to get stuck in a rut. We do school 4 days a week, usually taking Wednesday to be an adventure day.

Each of our school days around here looks a little bit different. There are a lot of variables, depending on whether we have swim class, speech therapy, or errands to run. Or if I just slept in and didn't get my stuff together until a few hours later than I like.

Amazingly, this day had no extras and I didn't hit snooze 15 times.

6.30 a.m. I am up doing dishes, laundry, tidying up the classroom, eating my breakfast, and having a little morning quiet time. As enticing as the snooze button is, I really don't feel centered without this time to myself every day. I'd like to get up even earlier and maybe work out a few times a week, but I can't seem to make that happen this year.

8.30 a.m. The green light comes on, indicating the the boys are allowed out of their room. No one is up just yet, though. My little guys are night owls and all 3 share a bedroom, so sleep doesn't always come easily. For that reason I try to encourage a late start to the day. We have one of those nifty clocks that changes from a yellow nightlight to a green light when it is an acceptable time to wake up.

8.45 a.m. Little bed-headed zombies begin stumbling out of bed, laden with blankets and stuffed animals. On days that I am not ready for them for one reason or another, They are allowed to watch some PBS Kids. Thank goodness for shows like Wild Kratts and Word Girl. Today, however, I am prepared. No TV.

9.00 a.m. The boys are settled at the table eating their breakfast and already starting shenanigans. After they finish eating, they clear the table, brush their teeth, get dressed, and "make" their beds. Some mornings I have an extra chore or two for them to do, but today it's just making sure their animals are all back in their room instead of strewn around the living room.

9.30 a.m. My goal is to start school by this time daily, but it doesn't always happen. Today is flowing smoothly so far, and I am able to ring the bell shortly after the half hour.

We begin our day with a short devotion and prayer. This helps to center my own heart as much as it does theirs. This morning I pray for extra patience and love, as I have been a bit on the grumpy side for the past few days. We also review the previous day's behavior and dole out any rewards or punishments earned.

We transition into our Bible lesson. We are working our way through the Old Testament this year and are currently wandering the wilderness with the Israelites.

It's important for my very active little men to get some of their energy out in order to focus. So we usually get up and MOVE next. What we do depends on the weather and the rest of our schedule. And how motivated I am. Today we roll balls around the room while singing "Carol of the Balls" & then have a drumming circle to the song "Haida." This is actually one of their favorites, and it's easy for me. Win-win.

Science is one of our favorite subjects, so they never complain when we move into it. We have just finished up a unit on zoology. Today we introduced anatomy and the human body. My 6 year old got so excited he immediately picked up a crayon and a piece of paper and decided he was going to make his very own pop-up book about the body. With that kid, each day has to involve a craft of one kind or another. It's just in his nature.

Math comes next these days. We have been struggling to find a place for this in our schedule that is consistently good. It's not that we struggle with the concepts, or even that we don't like it. It's that we struggle with the focus necessary to make it through. Sometimes we cruise through an entire lesson in no time flat. Sometimes I feel like I'm wading through tar and trying to drag the three of them along with me.

I usually make the older 2 get all the way through an entire "lesson." If one finishes before the other, we have a collection of books or quiet games or crafts he can do while he waits.

The boys are all close enough in age that we treat our core subjects like a one-room schoolhouse, so it's easier for me to wait for the straggler than to end up all staggered in what I need to teach. It's not always the same straggler, either. If it were, I might have to find another plan. Little brother sometimes gets cut some slack, and he only has to do a portion of a lesson if he is struggling to focus.

It's 11.00 a.m. and we are ready for History. Today I am reading a chapter from our History book about the Roman Empire and reading a fun fictional book set in Rome. My active men cannot always sit still for this reading, so if they feel they need help keeping their hands busy, they are allowed to choose an activity. Today one is knitting,

one is coloring, and one is cuddled up on the comfy chair with a blankie and some animal friends. Occasionally you might find the 6 year old standing on his head.

We also like to munch on some snacks at this time.

11.30 Our Spanish curriculum is on the computer for the time being, so this offers me a nice chance to catch up on photocopies or reheat my coffee.

When Spanish is finished, we grab our Handwriting books.

After they finish their handwriting pages for today, they are allowed to read a picture book, play a quiet game, or draw a picture while I prepare our lunch. Today the little one decided to draw a picture, Thing 1 watched a video to learn some sign language, and Thing 2 read some Judy Moody.

During lunch we listen to an audio book. Without something specific to watch, listen to, and think about, complete anarchy breaks out during meal time. We sit for over an hour while nobody eats, and I spend all my energy in correction and redirection. It's amazing how much a book helps. Right now we are enjoying Little Men by Louisa May Alcott.

1.00 Phonics/LA The twins are busy writing sentences with their spelling and vocabulary words for this week. Little brother is reading his phonics reader to me and answering comprehension questions.

1.30 We like to make Geography fun. We sing songs to help us remember countries in different regions and try to locate them on the map. Then we read about different cultures and people groups and spend some time praying for them.

Piano is our last subject of the day. I don't push them too hard in this, but we do spend a little time learning notes and rhythms and practicing some simple songs.

2.30 We are finished for the day. Time to play, craft, run errands, etc. I believe that a lot of learning at this age is done through play and exploration, and I try to make sure that each day has plenty of time for them to develop in ways that can't happen in a structured setting.

On days that we don't do music, we do art. Well, we are pretty much always creating something around here regardless of the day's lesson plans, but we have a focused art project once or twice a week. 

My men are all quite artistic, but the little one is in a constant state of creating. He's the main reason I have to spend so much time cleaning up the classroom every morning. 

Let's keep it real, people. Creativity is intense. Imagination is messy.

Those are legitimate paper and foam Hot Wheels tracks they created and played with the rest of the day. They are counting the seconds until I let them work with wood and metal.

December 15

When the sun went down, we headed out on a Christmas lights scavenger hunt. We drove through several neighborhoods, a drive-through display, and found THREE different houses with lights choreographed to music. Even though we never found ice skates, carolers, or a nutcracker, it was a fun adventure!

December 16

It was a day to deliver the Christmas cookies! We made a list of some places to which we wanted to deliver, in addition to our neighbors. We visited the nature center, the police station, W's speech therapy center, the library, our leasing office, and the fire station. The guys at the fire station were fantastic, letting the boys climb all over the trucks, giving them a tour of their living quarters, letting them experience the lights and sirens, and giving them some activity books. One guy even took pictures for me and sent them to my phone, since mine had died. That led to a funny discovery that he has some friends from the same little town in Illinois where we used to live! Small world.

Later we delivered goody bags to our neighbors. We knocked on 7 doors up and down our hallway, but only 2 people opened up for us. We left the bags for the rest to discover. One sweet lady said she had heard us, but was happy to meet us. Ha! Sorry, neighbors.

December 17

We headed to the dollar store and loaded up some care packages for our car. We were able to put together 8 different bags with gloves, socks, scarves, wet wipes, granola bars, and McDonald's gift cards. Our hope is that, as we see people in need this winter, we will be able to help them stay warm and get a hot meal. We've given away a few already, and the boys are becoming more aware of others. W wanted to ask the scruffy-looking guy who was checking us in for an oil change if he was in need of anything. Thankfully I stopped him as he was rolling down the window but before the words escaped his lips.

December 18

The Nutcracker is one of my favorites. It makes me nostalgic for my own childhood. I remember sitting around our living room watching Mikhail Baryshnikov and Gelsey Kirkland dance on PBS while my mother shouted things like, "look at that! look at him jump! look at his legs! look at her toes! watch her spin!" Now those same things come out of my mouth. Also, I made the boys try to pirouette.

Having a houseful of very boyish boys, the ballet is not necessarily their favorite Christmas tradition. So we spice it up with crafts and a few different tellings of the story throughout the day. This year we made nutcracker candy jars. The idea was these adorable little coordinated jar toppers. Two thirds of my boys, though, just wanted to glue a little nutcracker on top of the jar. So. They did.

December 19

Cowtown was having an old-timey Charles Dickens-inspired Christmas celebration, complete with Santa Claus, Ebenezer Scrooge, parlor games, and Christmas carols. It was the perfect opportunity to watch The Muppets' Christmas Carol and then get bundled up for some old-fashioned fun. After all, there'll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago! The boys' highlights were the crafts, printing their own bookmarks on a printing press, and playing pass the slipper. Enough fun was had that they were even willing to stand next to Santa and Mrs. Claus for a picture!

December 20

This was our Kansas Christmas! We woke up to discover stuffed stockings and piles of presents under the tree. After breakfast we gathered around to open them all up and spend a few hours playing with our new toys. We enjoyed ham and yams for a late lunch and then hunkered down for a Star Wars movie marathon! We may have started a new Christmas tradition.

December 21

This was a busy day as we tried to get everything ready for our trips east. We had visits to doctors and dentists, a grocery run, and an oil change. Not to mention packing and laundry. I didn't want it to be a complete wash as far as fun stuff goes, though. We spent some time looking back over all the fun that we have had in 2015 by going through photo albums. It was actually a lot of laughs as we retold the stories. It was a warm fuzzy way to end our day.

And now we are about to drive off into the sunrise for the rest of our holiday adventures!