what are you teaching that child?

so we're sitting around at grandma's house for our annual christmas celebration slash van clan family reunion when we suddenly hear the foulest language being shouted from the kitchen. turns out it was delightful 2-year-old kayleigh marie who was uttering the un-utterable. don't believe it? watch for yourself:



last i heard a duck, that was most definitely NOT the noise it made.

confessions: i am not alone

i would like to take this time to state proudly some facts about myself that i have been too ashamed to admit until recently, when i discovered what fun laughing about such things can be.

• i cannot touch my toes


• i lack depth perception (which affects my driving & athletic abilities)


• i cannot do a cartwheel

and most importantly,

• i am not alone becuase these lovely friends are just like me:

thank you, ladies, for lots of laughs last night & for sharing in my afflictions! and it is most certainly the "fault" of our statuesque height and fabulous gams!

It is I

i am that grammar snob about whom your mother warned you.

i will judge you based upon your grammar mistakes. perhaps not so much when you are speaking -- after all, we don't have the luxury to proofread what comes out of our mouths. although sometimes i wish we did.

but when one puts a thing in print, there is plenty of time to edit, proof, and correct. and if a person is unsure about a grammatical rule or a spelling there is even the vast world of the internet on which to find the correct answer.

at this time of year, i would love to be more gracious. i would love to overlook glaring errors (and not discuss the decay of our beloved and rich language with b who is just as much of a grammar snob as i).

but i can't help it.

not when my mailbox fills with holiday greetings sent to me from The Smith's The Wilson's and The Grover's.

!!!

it makes me cringe. a knot balls up in the pit of my stomach. i start to shake just a little bit.

people who spent all kinds of money & time putting together a beautiful christmas card only to mar it with one little mark ('). the apostrophe.

it has no place in a family name!

please, please, please try hard to remember your poor english teacher back in grade school who told you (and told you and told you and told you) that an apostrophe has two uses in english:

1. in a conjunction to signify where there are missing letters (do not = don't)
2. to denote possession

it does not, i repeat, DOES NOT indicate plurals. the cucumber's are NOT for sale. the pizza's are NOT delicious. and the smith's do NOT live here.

mama smith + papa smith + little johnny smith = more than one smith

they are The Smiths

(note the obvious lack of apostrophe)

now that i have had my morning rant about grammar (ah, it feels so good), i must drink my coffee. and do it slowly.

don't even get me started on adverbs!